I can’t do this. I am not strong enough. I am weak. Why can’t I get over this? How long is this going to last? This is too hard. Why? What is wrong with me? I can’t do this for the rest of my life. How am I going to get better?
Those were some of my thoughts and questions when I was deep in the midst of my depression. And though it is still an effort everyday, I have gotten better. I seemed to improve the tiniest amount at the slowest pace, but looking back from where I am now, I can see a huge difference.
Speaking of looking back, that has made all the difference for how I approach my mental health NOW when those bad days come sneaking back. Though I never want to go back to the place that I was, the practice of reflection is such an amazing thing. I didn’t realize what was helping me in those moments, but now that I can take a step back and can see a bit more of the bigger picture I can see what got me from point A to point B to point C to point “where I am now”.
Mental health is still something that can be hard for people to talk about. I personally wish I had had more people to talk to or more people who would tell me their stories of what has helped them. In that regard, I wanted to share a bit of my story and 6 things that helped me, in hopes that it can help you too!
one
what is the most important thing I can do today?
As I have tried to apply a more goal-oriented mindset, I have seen a big change in the way I go about my days. I try to give every day a goal or a purpose. I usually think to myself what is the purpose of today? What do I need to get done? The answer becomes my goal for the day. Sometimes it seems that the answer is actually answerS and I have 5 or 6 or 20 things I need to do. Though my purpose is the same, to get x, y, and z done, I now have to make the decision of what the most important thing is.
I am significantly better at making the most of my workday, but it got me thinking about what is the most important thing I can do the entire day? Furthermore, what is the most important thing I can do for myself?
Pondering these questions I knew that if I was having one of my bad days these questions were basically thrown out the window. My only answer would be to get through the day. My next thought was how do I even get in the position of having a bad day? There are some contributing factors that are out of my control, but I mad the connection of when I hadn’t been consistent in taking my medication, usually a bad day followed.
Breaking it down like this, I instantly knew that the most important thing I can do in a day is take my medication.
It is fitting that this tip is number one because it is the first thing I do every day. I wake up and ask myself, “What is the most important thing you can do today?” And I reply, “The most important thing I can do today is take my medication”.
It has become a habit, a way I remind myself to take my medicine, but it also helps me realize that I am doing something everyday for me, for my mental health. Even if it seems like a small simple thing, those small and simple things can make the biggest difference in time.
two
tell someone
Talking to someone might seem a little cliche, but it is oh so important. Like I mentioned above, I wish I had had more people to talk to and actually I still do. Telling someone allows a sort of freedom. It, one, makes you admit to yourself how you feel, and, two, releases some of the burden because someone else knows.
Communication is vital wether its with your employer, friends, family, roommates, or significant other. It really can change the whole dynamic of the relationship by letting those around you know what you need. For instance, I told my sister, “today is going to be a hard day”. It was honestly about the only thing I said, yet that simple but honest statement let her know what my day looked like and in turn she gave me the space I needed.
three
treat mental health like physical health
The best piece of advice I have heard is to treat your mental health as if it were your physical health. Mental health you might not be able to see outright like physical health, but that does not mean it is any less important.
Say, for instance, I had a broken leg. I would immediately treat it. I would go to the doctor, undergo proper medical treatment, heal, and rest. Guess what… isn’t it funny that that is exactly what you should do for your mental health? You might need professional help wether that’s a doctor or a therapist. You might have to take medication or implement new practices. You might need to heal from experiences in your past and learn how to move forward. And you might need to rest; just like your physical body needs rest your mind does too.
If you think about it we tend to link anything and everything to our physical health i.e. exercising, nutrition, or sickness. On the other hand, it seems with mental health we only relate it to depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia… the more serious stuff. This is like saying physical health is only cancer, heart attacks, or broken bones when in reality it’s actually everything! Everyone has a brain swirling with thoughts so everybody has mental health. If its the common cold you are still considered sick or if you have a sore leg you are not considered in perfect health. Same with mental health, if you think rude things about yourself, lack motivation, or are easily triggered, these are things that affect your mental health. All in all, it’s vital to take care of yourself physically AND mentally.
four
appreciate emotions
Gratitude might seem a little out of place in the sense that I don’t think anyone enjoys having depression, but it’s the looking outward, looking beyond that matters. Depression, or any mental health concerns, is such an in-the-moment experience. Every minute you are fighting to stay in control as if you were thrown into the deep end and are giving all your strength to keep your head above water.
But actually, the trick to this is to let yourself sink a little bit. By this I mean let yourself relax. In those moments our minds, and in extension our bodies, are on high alert. Our fight-or-flight is activated and we are balancing the edge trying to gauge what is happening. In those moments it’s important to BE in the moment to get out of the moment. When I am at a low I really try to decipher what emotions I am experiencing and then let those feelings sink in. Now is where the gratitude comes in. As I am feeling, absorbing, and processing those emotions I tell myself that even if it is so unbearable, at least I can feel it.
I can feel fear because I have known hope. I can feel what sadness is because I have felt happiness. I can feel anger because I know peace is real. I might not even feel anything, but I know that I have before.
And I am grateful.
I know that it will make my good days that much sweeter because I have known the bitter and if anything I am grateful for that.
five
nothing lasts forever
I am a religious person who leans on my faith especially in hard times. I believe that we have to go through trials and tribulations where we are broken down -sometimes to our very core- so we can reach our potential and become the person God knows we can be.
There are so many experiences to have and lessons to learn which means that change is the true constant. Nothing lasts forever because there is always something next. The fact that the happy moments don’t last forever means that the bad ones won’t either. And that’s what I have to remind myself in those dark times is that I am alive so there is more life to live; there is another moment to lived and a new chapter to experience next.
Now, I am not naive enough to believe that I can cure myself 100% of my depression and go back to who I was before. On the other hand, it’s true that I can progress as the days and weeks and months go by. However, depression could also end up being a deep lifelong struggle.
Leaning back on my religion, I know that even if I have to endure a portion of this pain for the rest of my life, in the next life I will know peace and it will be greater than anything I have ever experienced.
six
do
This one is so important to me and really is my “core memory” that inspired me to start Karlie Chris. I knew I had depression and that I was getting better, but I also knew that I could never get back to the place I was before everything happened. This experience changed my life and I can’t unlearn what I have learned.
I know that I might have to deal with this the rest of my life and if by some miracle I don’t, it will always haunt me. But that doesn’t mean I should give up on life, it only means I have to adapt in a different way.
In my despair, I knew I had to create a life for myself that I could live to the fullest when I’m at my best, but also be able to manage when I’m at my worst.
In the time that I was creating my expense sheets that I use for my finances, I had a really bad week. It was mid month and I still hadn’t done my previous month’s money tracking but I knew I needed to get it done… so I did it. And even though I was crying the whole time with tears staining my papers, I was able to do it. Looking back a couple weeks later I almost couldn’t believe that I had somehow convinced myself to do it. I was proud of myself that, one, I did it, but also that I created something in the simplest manner where the only options was to succeed. I knew I had to apply this method in every aspect of my life so in those moment when I felt like I couldn’t do it, I could.
In the end, taking action and doing something even if it is the tiniest thing can be the little snowflake that turns into a giant snowball.
It is so important to take care of yourself and your mental health. I hope these tips can help you do just that!
If you have other tips or practices that have helped you, I would love to hear them! Comment on this post or email me!
xxx Karlie
Awesome tips! Nothing last forever indeed so we need to do more for our selves and others. Thanks for sharing this.