The Surprising Thing That Helped My Depression

I am not like other people. 

I love chocolate too much, bugs really just freak me out, I’ve always dreamed of having a wrap-around porch, and things that make other people feel better don’t always make me feel better.

In that regard, I see a lot of people who have struggled with anxiety and depression find their solace in the gym. They put their energy, good and bad, into nutrition and exercise improving their mental health while also getting shredded.

I started going to the gym too. In fact, that was the first thing I did. My family dragged me to the gym a few times a week at 5:45 a.m. trying to give me the same mitigation that other people find. However, this is what that looked like for me: I would wake up to a pitch back sky and cold draft wanting nothing more than to crawl back into my warm sheets. After all, my depression didn’t give me much quality sleep so when my 5:45 wake up call sounded it felt like I had barely drifted off which in turn didn’t put me in an exactly “chipper” mood. I would get dressed, drive to the gym, do my workout, and come home. When I came home though I would grab my blanket and lay on the heater by my bed and cry until I had to go to work.

I can see now about a year and a half later how much of a positive affect exercise and nutrition has had on my mental health as well as my general state of living. Despite that, I wouldn’t give going to the gym and eating healthier sole ownership of the mending state I am in now. In fact, I really HATED going to the gym in the beginning.

When I was thinking about this post, I was truly trying to discover what it was then that helped me the most. There of course are little things that add up to make a big difference like “The 6 Ways I Improved My Mental Health” which you can click on to read, but I wanted to pin point it down to one thing.

So, to present my answer, the one thing that has and will have the greatest impact on my mental health is my focus on self improvement.

What? Really? Yes, I know it seems a little ironic considering the last thing you want to think about when you are depressed is yourself. You are in such a vulnerable state overwhelmed by emotions trying to distract yourself or feeling nothing at all trying to at least “go through the motions” of anything that you can get yourself to do.

It became crystal clear to me that I had depression when I felt despair. I was heartbroken that I now saw the world through a dark lens, but it never resonated with me that there could be better days so that is where I wallowed… for a long time. I had no hope in myself, my circumstances, or my future. Pretty much I was just taking up space.

This self improvement idea started right in the beginning of my depression though I had no idea that’s what it was.

In my religion we are always reminded that as we are obedient to the Lord we will be blessed. I was grasping at straws so I thought, “well if that’s true then the Lord will help me”, because there was nothing I could do to help myself. As my show of obedience I read scripture everyday even if it was just a line or two. Nothing miraculous happened, in fact,  it got worse before it got better, but looking back I finally understand the lesson I was meant to learn.

My church encourages us to read our scriptures every day making it a personal habit. Truthfully, I never understood why. Why couldn’t I just read my scripture a few times a week, whenever I wanted, or in preparation for church?

The answer: good daily habits.

Now it’s not just “good” habits we need everyday. We need habits that we can see progress and improvement and FEEL good.

For example, making your bed in the morning is a “good” habit and I guess you can get better and better at making your bed, but it basically is a repeated habit not requiring much thought. You might be able to see now why people find solace in the gym. They exercise their bodies and eat well seeing muscle growth, increased endurance, or whatever it may be; they can SEE that and they FEEL good!

This idea of self improvement fortunately isn’t just physical. It’s about ourselves as people. It’s about our relationships with others, our relationships with ourselves, the way we think, the knowledge that we strive for, the hobbies we enjoy, the passions we pursue, the skills we develop, and everything in between. It’s not about one thing it’s about all things. It’s about balance such as becoming a well-rounded being. 

I could see that as I didn’t focus on where I was in that moment, in that horrible headspace, but rather turned my eye toward a goal as small as reading a line in my scriptures or as slow as saving an extra dollar everyday that my depression didn’t hurt quite as much because I felt success for doing something good that day, for trying to be just a tiny bit better.

As I started narrowing in on this concept of being a better person rather than trying to cure my depression I saw improvement. As I improved and improved and improved I now want nothing more than to become the best version of myself. I know I will still have down days where my depression is overbearing, but I can see hope where I didn’t have any. 

I rediscovered setting goals and the feeling you get when you accomplish them. Don’t be afraid to adjust things to fit to you. Just like how going to the gym didn’t initially work for me do what is best for you, what you can handle, and don’t be afraid to ask for help. I actually have a free mini course on how to set and achieve goals so if you don’t know where to start START HERE!

My last little tip is to find inspiration in others. Read books, listen to podcasts, and talk to people. I think you will be surprised about the many things you can learn!

Xxx Karlie