what is self discipline and how to grow it

Just the other day, I went the whole 24-hour period without eating chocolate. Seriously? Seriously! Quite literally I eat chocolate every. single. day. When you think about it though, it’s pretty easy to. I used to eat M&M’s, cereal, candy bars, miniature chocolates, brownies, cakes, cookie dough, ice cream, nuts, granola bars, pancakes, pudding, chocolate milk, Oreos, tootsie rolls, and on and on and on, all having some form of chocolate. Now after cleaning up my diet significantly I eat, pudding, yogurt, Kodiak cakes, protein bars, protein powder, rice cakes, and Yasso bars all in the flavor of chocolate! So needless to say, chocolate is probably my Achilles heel in life.

I don’t drink coffee and I’m not much of a pop drinker so it never really occurred to me that I could be addicted to something. I know I have a sweet tooth, but until I asked myself if I could go one day without eating chocolate and the answer quickly being a NO, I knew I had a problem. And I know this isn’t necessarily a serious problem, I just prefer chocolate to any other flavors, but I don’t want to be tied down by anything. For instance, I don’t want to rely on chocolate for me to have a good day, I want to have a good day regardless of what I eat.

Of course, this concept crosses all aspects of life: to be varied in all manners of things instead of atatched to only a few ideas. Perhaps how we are raised, the habits we form, or how we cope with things, can explain our particular mindsets, values, or way of life. However, whether we are trying to break the cycle, or pursue positive change, self-discipline is key.

Let’s throw it back to high school. I always thought I had self-discipline. It turns out I was just a good listener. Someone else was always disciplining me, I was never the enforcer. In school, they tell you to do your homework, read this book, or finish this project. In sports, they yell at you to run faster, concentrate harder, or do better. This carries on through the years as we are encouraged by parents, teachers, and coaches, but what happens when we graduate or there is no “next level” in our sport? Does the discipline follow into the next stage of life? Maybe, maybe not. Where does self-discipline come from when we are no longer a kid governed by the adults we now are? SELF-discipline takes on a whole new meaning because it is our SELF with the responsibility. How do we learn to do it ourselves when it has been done for us by everyone else for so long?

Let me tell you what I’ve discovered.

First, what is self-discipline?

Self-discipline is being able to control your impulses. It is being able to listen and hear the cravings, desires, and urges and accordingly deny or enforce that instinct. Self-discipline to me is being able to sacrifice in the moment to get the greater reward down the road.

delayed gratification

This tip is exactly the definition of self-discipline. You don’t give yourself what you want in the moment, you wait for the reward later on. Oppositely, instant gratification is the principle I was always practicing. I craved some chocolate so I ate some M&M’s. 

The trick to this tip is to change your mindset. My sight was so narrowed on the next day, hour, or ten minutes, that I never stepped back to see the bigger picture. We all have goals, but sometimes we only see the end result that we desire. We don’t see the bigger picture of the road that we have to take to get there. If you can expand your thinking to realize a practical timeline maybe seeing the whole picture and discovering the actual amount of effort it will take will be your answer to not always “living in the moment”.

motivator

This tip can make the world of a difference. Life is not meant to be lived alone, so don’t pursue your goals by yourself. Whether you need someone to hold you accountable or someone to simply encourage you along the way, letting someone in on your game plan can be a huge help. Even my mom who just asks simple questions trying to understand what I want to accomplish is a great reminder to me of why I am doing what I’m doing.

A motivator doesn’t have to be a person. It can also be a habit tracker, a calendar that you cross out, or even an incentive. It can be a bit of trial and error to see what you respond to best, but as you find the right motivator it adds a bit of excitement along the way.

trust/consistency

This is the tip that I am continuously working on. Like with any relationship, you have to build a relationship with yourself. You have to be able to trust yourself to be able to do what you say you’re going to do. I think building trust with yourself is the best way to grow self discipline. As you break down your goals and try to accomplish one step at a time you build that trust with your consistency. If you are always 50/50 your confidence in yourself is always questionable. You have to believe you can do what you set out to do. You have to show yourself again and again your capability for success. You have to show up every. single. time. Regardless if you miss a day, you fail miserably, or are going slower than you want the most important thing is to keep trying. Keep trying everyday, build that trust little by little, and stay consistent!

learn more

This tip is my game changer. The change in my life that has taken the longest to see results is nutrition. Here I am back with the chocolate, back with the instant gratification, knowing that I should eat better, but realizing that I don’t know how. Clearly I needed to learn a lot more about nutrition and what things I should be eating, but that’s not entirely my point of “learn more”. Here’s an example, when I started lifting weights one of the trainers at my gym built me a meal plan. He briefly went through and explained different things so viola I learned more! However, one year later a different trainer built me a meal plan and when I say that changed my life I mean that was the exact moment where I changed course for success. The two experiences or roughly the same. The same topic, the same principles discussed, but in the second experience nutrition was explained to me in such a way that I understood and could relate to. Don’t just learn more, create variety in your learning and use all the resources available. We have people, teachers, books, podcasts, YouTube, Social Media to all learn from. You never know who is going to say it in the way that turns on the light and helps you to see clearly.

decide once

This tip is the one that has made the greatest difference in my self-discipline. It literally determined if I was going to have self-discipline or not. I think we all can be pretty wishy washy sometimes. I am always indecisive when I go shopping because I think “what if I find something better at the next store” and so I decide not to decide and end up with… not much. When we plan our goals it is so important to spell them out. Make them annoyingly specific so you know exactly what is going on. 

On Sundays we always have a big family meal with a yummy dessert. Sometimes I didn’t know if I was going to have dessert, I hadn’t decided. It should have be no, but every time I was indecisive I always ended up having dessert. Now working towards some of my fitness goals I always ask my mom ahead of time what we are eating so I can plan accordingly. I think to myself “this is what I am having out of the foods in the meal and no dessert”. Done. That’s it. I decide once and I don’t think about it again. When lunch comes I don’t have to think about anything at all. I eat the food I had planned beforehand and when my mom asks if I want dessert I easily say no. I decide one time and that’s it. My answer is locked in and that’s what I do.

 

 

 

Self-discipline believe me takes time. Some people have more of a talent for it and some people aren’t tempted by the same things we are so don’t get discouraged. The difference between the ones who succeed and the ones who fail are that they never stopped trying! If you need help establishing your goals and making a plan of attack check out my four day mini email course!

xxx Karlie