To repeat the famous words of Ron Weasley, “are you mental?”
Yes, I am… mentally ill that is.
For me at least, there is such a bad feeling around the words “mentally ill”. They seem so deprecating, critical, and derogative.
The image that come to my mind when I picture someone who is mentally ill is someone running with scissors in their hand. We all learned as little kids that scissors + running = a big no-no. You can also add the crazy eyes, disheveled hair, and foaming mouth to the picture if you’re looking for details. I don’t know why that picture always comes to mind. A typical person would probably imagine someone wearing a straight jacket sitting in a padded room, but not me I guess. Scissors and mental illness somehow coincide perfectly.
Anyway, that’s what I look like too right? Because I am diagnosed with a mental illness? Well, my hair might be a little frizzy and I sometimes drool when I sleep, but that is not what I look like. Do you know how I know that I don’t look like a crazy person? Because nobody knows… nobody knows I’ve been diagnosed with depression except for the people I have told.
Consequently, you might mistake my anxiety as unfriendliness or my depression as tiredness. You might even think that I was bored out of my mind trying to sleep in church the other day when in reality I was trying to edge myself away from having a panic attack.
I don’t know about you, but being physically ill is like a badge of honor. All the kids in school wanted to know where you were if you missed a day, they wanted to hear the story behind the ugly bruise, and they wanted to be the first one to sign your cast. It’s almost fun being in the spotlight even if you had to pay a price to get there.
Mental illnesses are waaayyy easier to hide. They aren’t always out on display for people to easily pick up on. The weird thing is you still want a little bit of that attention a physical illness gets. You want your friends to care and notice what’s going on. You want your family to love and support you.
The ugly truth of it is that’s not always what happens. Instead your friends might cringe away from the conversation. Your family may not want to accept the truth so they avoid it at all costs.
It seems like such a horrible, serious, and improper complication where it’s almost shameful to be diagnosed with a mental illness.
I get the feeling that people think I am unpredictable, unstable, or untrustworthy, that “anything can happen at any moment” so be prepared.
Having depression automatically gets the debbie-downer label. People with depression are always sad all the time. They aren’t fun to be around and they will only bring you down.
Anxious people are over-reactors. They make a big deal out of nothing and if they learned not to stress out about everything they wouldn’t have this problem.
To say it straight, having a mental illness is scary. It’s scary because you become branded as defective. Those words stain your life forever. People never look at you the same or respond to you in the same way. You feel as if you are being constantly judged.
My wish is that mental illness will not be something we feel like we have to hide.
How would it be if people actually understood what it is like to have depression or anxiety? You never fully understand something unless you go through it yourself, but what if everyone understood just a little bit more? Maybe they would be more sympathetic and it wouldn’t be such a life-shattering diagnosis.
Truthfully, one of the main reasons I started this blog was so that I could have more meaningful conversations. Is small talk necessary? Depends on who you ask. Do I like small talk? A firm no. It seems like some of my relationships are built on a foundation of small talk, but that is all there is to it. Nobody wants to talk about the deep stuff.
I want to talk about the deep stuff! I want to be honest and say how I really feel about mental illnesses or finances or self love. I want you to know that we can relate together on our experiences and not dance around the ugly truth.
I want to know how YOU feel about mental illnesses. Let’s continue this conversation in the comments!
xxxKarlie